They Had The Last Word!
We recently came across an unusual book called "Having The Last Word!" written by Paul Jones. For 60 years, his hobby has been collecting unusual and often humorous graveyard verses found on headstones. He corresponds with clergymen, morticians, grave diggers, cemetery care-takers, etc. Jones himself has explored cemeteries and grave sites throughout the U.S. and England. Most of the verses were found in non-secular cemeteries, since many religious groups have strict rules as to what can be engraved on memorial stones.
Here's a selection from his book, which sells for $14.95 postpaid U.S. dollars. (To order, contact: Paul E. Jones, Box 608, Ridgway, Ill. 62979 (ph 618 272-3031).
• "Remember man that passeth by, As Thou are now so once was I. And as I am, so Thou must be, Prepare Thyself to follow me."
Then a headstone behind it: "To follow you is not my intent, Unless I know which way you went."
• "Here lies Lester Moore. Four slugs from a Fourty Four. No Les, No Moore." (Bootheel Graveyard, Tombstone, Arizona)
• "Here lies Pecos Bill, He always lied and always will: He once lied loud, He now lies still." (Tombstone, Arizona)
• "Here lies the bones of a man named Zeke; Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek." (Cripple Creek, Colorado)
• "Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp, Who lived by sheep and died by hemp." (An English sheep stealer who was hanged)
• "Here lies Butch, We planted him raw; He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw." (Cemetery in Colorado)
• "Here lies Pete - he hunted rabbits; He got careless in his habits. Dragged his shotgun through a fence, Shot away his present tense." (Wyoming)
• "Here lies Old Nick, Dead and in his grave, No more whiskey will he crave. But on this tombstone can be wrote, Many a gallon's gone down his throat." (Tombstone, Arizona)
• "Here lies George Johnson hanged by mistake, 1882. He was Right, We was Wrong. But we strung him up and now he's gone." (Bootheel Graveyard, Tombstone, Arizona)
• "Let cattle rub my headstone round, And coyote wail their kin. Let horses come and paw the mound, But do not fence me in." (On a rancher's stone in Hutchinson, Kansas)
• This was found on a marker for a horse thief:
"He found a rope and picked it up
And with it walked away.
It happened that on the other end
A Horse was hitched, they say.
They took the rope and tied it up
Unto a hickory limb.
It happened that the other end
Was somehow hitched to him."
• "Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was."
• "Fear God
Keep the Commandments
And don't attempt to climb a tree.
For that's what caused the death of me."
• "Here lies a father of 29. There would have been more but he didn't have time."
• "I told you I was sick."
• "Here lies a man of good repute
Who wore a No. 16 boot
'Tis not recorded how he died
But sure it is, that open wide
The gates of heaven must have been
To let such monstrous feet within." (Keeseville, New York)
• "If there's another world
She lives in bliss.
If there is none
She made the best of this."
• "Here lies the body of Ephraim Wise
Safely tucked between his two wives.
One was Tillie and the other Sue
Both were faithful, loyal and true
By his own request in ground that's hilly
His coffin is set tilted toward Tillie." (Farmer's Almanac)
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They Had The Last Word! FARM HOME Novelty Items 25-4-31 We recently came across an unusual book called "Having The Last Word!" written by Paul Jones. For 60 years, his hobby has been collecting unusual and often humorous graveyard verses found on headstones. He corresponds with clergymen, morticians, grave diggers, cemetery care-takers, etc. Jones himself has explored cemeteries and grave sites throughout the U.S. and England. Most of the verses were found in non-secular cemeteries, since many religious groups have strict rules as to what can be engraved on memorial stones.
Here's a selection from his book, which sells for $14.95 postpaid U.S. dollars. (To order, contact: Paul E. Jones, Box 608, Ridgway, Ill. 62979 (ph 618 272-3031).
• "Remember man that passeth by, As Thou are now so once was I. And as I am, so Thou must be, Prepare Thyself to follow me."
Then a headstone behind it: "To follow you is not my intent, Unless I know which way you went."
• "Here lies Lester Moore. Four slugs from a Fourty Four. No Les, No Moore." (Bootheel Graveyard, Tombstone, Arizona)
• "Here lies Pecos Bill, He always lied and always will: He once lied loud, He now lies still." (Tombstone, Arizona)
• "Here lies the bones of a man named Zeke; Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek." (Cripple Creek, Colorado)
• "Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp, Who lived by sheep and died by hemp." (An English sheep stealer who was hanged)
• "Here lies Butch, We planted him raw; He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw." (Cemetery in Colorado)
• "Here lies Pete - he hunted rabbits; He got careless in his habits. Dragged his shotgun through a fence, Shot away his present tense." (Wyoming)
• "Here lies Old Nick, Dead and in his grave, No more whiskey will he crave. But on this tombstone can be wrote, Many a gallon's gone down his throat." (Tombstone, Arizona)
• "Here lies George Johnson hanged by mistake, 1882. He was Right, We was Wrong. But we strung him up and now he's gone." (Bootheel Graveyard, Tombstone, Arizona)
• "Let cattle rub my headstone round, And coyote wail their kin. Let horses come and paw the mound, But do not fence me in." (On a rancher's stone in Hutchinson, Kansas)
• This was found on a marker for a horse thief:
"He found a rope and picked it up
And with it walked away.
It happened that on the other end
A Horse was hitched, they say.
They took the rope and tied it up
Unto a hickory limb.
It happened that the other end
Was somehow hitched to him."
• "Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was."
• "Fear God
Keep the Commandments
And don't attempt to climb a tree.
For that's what caused the death of me."
• "Here lies a father of 29. There would have been more but he didn't have time."
• "I told you I was sick."
• "Here lies a man of good repute
Who wore a No. 16 boot
'Tis not recorded how he died
But sure it is, that open wide
The gates of heaven must have been
To let such monstrous feet within." (Keeseville, New York)
• "If there's another world
She lives in bliss.
If there is none
She made the best of this."
• "Here lies the body of Ephraim Wise
Safely tucked between his two wives.
One was Tillie and the other Sue
Both were faithful, loyal and true
By his own request in ground that's hilly
His coffin is set tilted toward Tillie." (Farmer's Almanac)
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